An Alternative Passover Story

The city of Ramses was almost ready. The deadline, set for the inauguration of the new king of Egypt couldn’t be missed. When the construction was falling behind, more Hebrew slaves were taken off other construction projects and diverted to Ramses. There was too much at stake. The news media from every corner of the world converged on Egypt to cover the inauguration of both the new city and the new king. Reporters, journalists, cameramen and anchors were pretty much everywhere. It was almost impossible to find parking, and hotel prices went sky high. Tent cities were put together near the pyramids, satellite dishes everywhere, like mushrooms after a rain.

The Hebrew slaves, knew that this was a wonderful opportunity to get the entire planet’s attention to their misery, and figured that a well staged mutiny, close to the celebration day will capture everyone’s minds and make the Egyptians look really bad. So they contacted a PR specialist, a retired wizard who insisted that his brother is hired as well, and a God. For years they trained, experimented with blood, swamp and farm animals, various kinds of insects and a lot of light and sound.

A few months before the big day, the Hebrews sent the wizard and his brother to the king. The strange looking guy with the long hair, the beard and the robes told the king that Hebrews are to be set free or else. The king found it very amusing. When Moses turned his stick into a snake, the king’s own magicians did the same without delay. But Moses’ snake was hungrier, so it ate the others and turned back to a stick. Moses left the palace.

A few weeks went by, and the PR specialist instructed the team to start staging their performances. The God was instructed to simply not let the Pharaoh free the Hebrews until he’s been told to. So the vicious cycle had started. The Nile river turned to blood, then got infested with frogs. The media went wild. The networks started sending more senior anchormen, and was broadcasting live. Ratings for the Hebrew rebellion went through the roof. But the Pharaoh wouldn’t hear of freeing the Hebrews, the God made sure of that. So it continued. Very serious lice infestation mysteriously showed up and the funny side effect was that you could have watched the evening news, with the distinguished looking anchormen, seriously delivering the news while scratching their entire body with long, wide motions.

No deliverance yet.

In the meantime, the media and the world paid no attention to the nearing inauguration of the king and the City of Ramses. The story of the strange plagues of Egypt was way more interesting. Game shows, realistic TV, even the Late Night hosts started talking of nothing else. Retired actors, rock band leaders around the world, who had no clue what being Hebrew is all about, started attending protests, writing articles and letters to the editor, throwing slurs at the Egyptians, while glorifying the Hebrews. The plan was working well. Moses and the gang showed up at the palace again, this time smug with the success of the presentation of power, and the media coverage. But the Pharaoh wouldn’t budge, after all, the God was in charge of that, and he was doing a good job.

Bad animals started showing up from the desert next. But nobody really paid attention, in fact, they were attracting all the excess lice, relieving the residents of Egypt. When the plague started hitting the cattle, everyone immediately blamed the neighboring countries for deliberately infecting them with the Mad Cow disease. When the boils started appearing on the bodies of the Egyptians as well as the media, the summer heat and global warming was blamed. The Pharaoh was unimpressed. Deliverance? Give me a break. The media continued a full 24 hours coverage, live, but the anchormen, infested with lice, and covered in boil scars, started to look somewhat tired of the ordeal. The inauguration of the king and the city was promptly forgotten.

Hail followed by locusts which all got lost in the complete darkness which followed. Imagine that: reporters standing in the spotlight, everything else is pitch dark, large locusts are flying around, and the boil scars and the scratch marks still clearly visible. Ratings broke the records of the 2000 BC Olympic Games. It was a media frenzy.

Finally, following the death of the firstborns, and with a lot less people around, including quite a few reporters, the Pharaoh gave up. He ordered the Hebrews to just get the hell out of sight, and out of Egypt. They really wanted to take their time packing and organizing delegations to explore possible residence, but the media managers told them that if they don’t rush out, there will be no coverage. So they quickly packed, got ready to leave. A baking fiasco made all their bread look like cardboard, which the media found mysteriously appealing. The Hebrews have left Egypt. The media forgot why it has shown up in Egypt in the first place, and went down to the Red Seashore to watch and cover the final presentation of power by the Wizard, his brother and the God.

Thousands of reluctant Hebrews were standing at the seashore, waiting for some sign. Moses raised his stick. The red sea started rising right away. But the OWTV cameraman missed the shot, so he asked Moses to repeat that motion, this time a little more gently. Moses did, and the sea rose faster. Everyone drowned.

Moral of the story: none. Well maybe one. Or more. Don’t underestimate the power of the media. Don’t assume that media coverage is always impartial. Don’t assume that the media designation of the victim is always correct. Don’t assume that the media designation of the villain is always correct either. Always doubt coincidences. Myths are powerful, but not always they are well aligned with reality.

But maybe most important of all: the media can manipulate events and drive the outcome. But neither the media, nor the public opinion are there to understand the consequences, to deal with the results, to fix what was broken, to pick up the pieces. The media assumes the “obligation to report” but denies driving the public opinion and therefore its influence on the turn of events and consequences. As I said before: myths are powerful, but not always are well aligned with reality.

Is China the villain? Is Tibet the victim? Is this a real event? Or perhaps a media one? What will be the consequences? Will Tibet win its freedom? Will it slip back to feudalism? Will people starve? Will the media be there to feed them? Will they get food by the public opinion? Or will the public opinion get busy identifying some other villain-victim pair somewhere else around the world? I’m not offering answers. Questions only. I’m pointing out: think! Don’t just accept! Be doubtful!

If you are one of those who observe Passover, have a great Holiday. For those of who don’t, have a great Holiday anyway.