Amiram Hayardeny’s BigMouth

He’s the kind of guy who’s stubborn and soft at the same time.  He would give you an exhausting argument about some really unimportant issue, but come for a hug a minute later.  He would hide from you and make sure you find him.  This guy is clever, meticulous, and focused.  When this guy has a project to complete, he doesn’t take his eyes off of it.  He sticks his tongue out, like his paternal grandmother while he’s concentrating on some unfinished task.  He is a perfectionist, yet a free spirit.  He writes with both hands, but refuses to eat with a fork and knife.  Or chopsticks for that matter.  This guy has a definite preference for eating with his hands.  He dresses on his own, but will only wear well coordinated colors.  Only recently, this guy agreed to give up his pacifier.

This guy melts me with a smile and with those big gray eyes of his.  When those big tears show up in those big eyes, all I want to do is to take the pain away.

This guy speaks three languages, Hebrew, English and Chinese, at different levels of fluency.  He’s multilingual all the way.  He loves candy, ice cream, and salami, and he mixes his mashed potatoes with rice and ketchup.  If he finds anything that resembles a vegetable is his food, that’s the end of it.  This guy would insist on ordering fried chicken and fries, but would only eat the chicken.  He doesn’t like to share his belongings with anyone else, but completely supports sharing of others’ belongings with himself…

He plays the XBox, and falls asleep in the living room.  He loves Sponge Bob, Looney Toons, Tom and Jerry, and believe it or not - Mr. Bean.  This guy has a personality, a sense of humor, he’s a character.  He has his own computer, and Blue’s Clues is his favorite game.

This guy isn’t just a guy.  It’s my kind of guy.  He’s my favorite guy in the whole wide world.  He’s My Guy.

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For almost forty years I never missed an opportunity to bash teachers.  I always believed that I accomplished what I have despite the teachers I’ve had, and not thanks to them.  I often propose that at the age of six I was tried, convicted and sentenced to twelve years of hard labor without the possibility of parole.  My school years were depressing, without inspiration, aspiration or hope.  I clearly remember the last day of school.  It’s been thirty years, and I haven’t looked back yet.  I don’t go to reunions, I don’t want to hug and kiss with the warden or the correction officers.  Did I just say that?  I meant the principal and the teachers of course.  Forgive me.

Only in college I discovered the joy of pure learning, the satisfaction in understanding abstract concepts, the accomplishment in solving a hard problem, expressing a complex algorithm, I became a scholar.  I learned to respect education and educators.

Almost thirty years later I’m ready to state that the generalization is wrong (dah, of course it is…).  I was subjected to the worst bunch of teachers on the planet.  As if they were carefully selected for some freak show.  I’m ready to say that there are other teachers.  Caring, giving, understanding.  Teachers who listen to children, respect them, even love them.

Shiri’s teacher, Miss Ruth is that kind of teacher.  I never attended her class.  Nonetheless, she taught me a whole lot.  Seeing Shiri’s reaction to her made me understand many things about students, teachers, parents and education.  Students will learn out of fearing their teachers, parents and bad consequences.  They will learn better if they respect their teachers, and have the understanding that their parents really want what’s best for them.  They will excel if they love their teachers, identify with them, see them as role models.  Shiri is a curious child, who loves to question everything, who needs to understand the details as well as the big picture.  In grade school, she had found the joy of studying that I only discovered in my twenties.  I attribute that to Miss Ruth.

Today, as the school year concludes, I want to thank Miss Ruth.  Again.  I want to thank her for taking part in the painstaking job of raising Shiri to be the young lady that she is.  But in fact, I thank her for much more than that.  I thank her re-introducing me to the education system.  To teachers who care, to teachers who love.  To teachers who can truly say: this grown-up was my student, and be able to say it with pride, knowing that they really had part in shaping his or her personality.

Shiri wanted to express her gratitude to Miss Ruth.  She was really at it for a while, until she had found the following poem, By Joanna Fuchs.

Dear miss Ruth

Teacher for All Seasons

A teacher is like Spring,
Who nurtures new green sprouts,
Encourages and leads them,
Whenever they have doubts.

A teacher is like Summer,
Whose sunny temperament
Makes studying a pleasure,
Preventing discontent.

A teacher is like Fall,
With methods crisp and clear,
Lessons of bright colors
And a happy atmosphere.

A teacher is like Winter,
While it’s snowing hard outside,
Keeping students comfortable,
As a warm and helpful guide.

Miss Ruth, you do all these things,
With a pleasant attitude;
You’re a teacher for all seasons,
And you have my gratitude!

You are the best Teacher in the whole world.  Wherever I may go in my life, I will always remember you.

Shiri  Hayardeny

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May 1997. My first day at IBM Haifa Research Lab (HRL). The usual ceremonial seat assignment, terminal, some leftover paperwork, meeting the rest of the staff, back to my new corner to start and gain some knowledge of IBM Storage, my place of work for the next nine years. Suddenly, I heard a loud voice outside my office, “food”, the voice said. It was still patient. Then the word “food” was repeated another couple of times. The patience was significantly reduced this time. I came out of my office, and I saw a tall, handsome man, with the deepest, kindest, blue eyes I’ve ever seen. It was Gabriel Walder. Better known as Gabi.

Finally, when enough people congregated outside. In the coming days, and years, for the next eight years, I became conditioned. As a good old Pavlovian dog, when I heard Gabi out of my office saying the word “food”, I would start to drool…

Gabi and I worked together for many years. For years, we would listen to each other’s stories, share jokes, and argued, a lot, on very complex algorithms that had to do with the transferring huge amounts of data from one part of the planet to the other, without losing one byte, providing customers with the ability to recover from disasters.

Over the years, I met Gabi’s family, his old dog Shoshana, and the new one Duke. I met his friends, visited his home in Haifa, and in Tucson. Gabi Walder was a significant part of my life.

One day, June 2005, when my plane hit the runway in Tucson Arizona, my phone rang as soon as I turned it on. It was Dorit, my wife. She said Gabi passed away. I was in a state of shock, out of words. Gal, his manager was with me on that plane. We needed a quick decision. After twenty four hours in the air, Gal turned around and went home to participate in the funeral. With a heavy heart, I continued as planned. I shouldn’t have.

It’s been three years since Gabi left us. I can still hear his voice laughing when I’m told a joke. I can see his face in large crowds once in a while. I remember him daily. Gabi was taken from us prematurely. He could have lived among us for many more years, making us all happy, making us all reflect. He could have contributed so much more innovation, reflection, insight. His family misses him terribly. So do his friends. So do everyone who ever met him. So do I.

I wrote a eulogy for Gabi, the day he died. I’m not in possession of many documents from that period. I’ll never lose this one. It’s been three years, I can’t believe it.

June 14, 2005

We lost a friend yesterday. A friend and a colleague. Gabi was one of the first to join the Storage Development Department. Many things can be attributed to Gabi: the love of life, the professionalism, the sense of humor, the appreciation of good food, a good show, a good conversation. Gabi was a special guy. He could get all whipped out of shape for some minor incident, laugh at a joke, and come up with a really good idea, all on the same hour. One thing’s for sure, you could always count on Gabi for help in just about anything.

Gabi will be remembered for being a good friend, a true professional, a husband and a father. He will be remembered as the 12:00 sharp lunch guy, and the proud owner of the chair at the head of the Copy Services table in the cafeteria. Gabi will be remembered for the strong sense of justice he had.

Gabi will be remembered for PPRC (Peer to Peer Remote Copy) Establish Path. In fact, Gabi is PPRC Establish Path.

I will personally miss him terribly. Gabi was one of the emblems of the Copy Services team in Haifa, and so he shall remain.

To the family: there’s nothing we can possibly say to describe the pain we feel here. Gabi has left a big hole behind. His presence will be felt throughout the hallways here for a very long time. Over the years, we have become a family, an extended family of colleagues, their spouses and their children. We were all involved in each other’s lives, for better for worse. In Gabi’s absence, you, his dearest family, shall remain part of our extended family. We will continue sharing with you our joys and pains.

It’s been three years. I guess people like Gabi take a lot longer to forget. Millenia.

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Have you ever dated someone who felt, how shall I put it? a little difficult?  Arguments were springing out of nowhere, about the most unimportant matters.  In fact, sometimes you would feel that the relationship is, again, what’s the word? laborious?  You were becoming tense, sensitive, upset.  You were looking for good (or not so good) reasons to work late, to take the extra business trips to remote places, particularly difficult customers…

And all through this time, you were sharing the difficulties with your friends, and some of them, if not all, said: “you’re complementing each other”, or “negatives attract”, and my favorite worst: “otherwise, it would be boring”.

I feel somewhat qualified to refer to this eternal dilemma.  I was married twice.  The first marriage was with the opposite, or rather the opposition.  The second marriage is much more agreeable, and trust me, not very boring.

Let me explain.  I am a Jewish Israeli, child of a Holocaust survivor from Romania and a Sephardic Israeli who was born in Jerusalem, but whose ancestors came from Spain and Turkey.  I come from a mildly traditional family, who always thought that God is OK, for as long as He doesn’t interfere with everyday life.  I come from a relatively liberal home, that placed education in first place, followed closely by discipline, manners, moral, and honesty.  My parents, having had no childhoods, having suffered significant difficulties growing up, tried their absolute best to provide everything for their children.  Growing up in middle class Israel, there was no frivolous spending, but the word “no” was never heard when it came to education. All men of the family served in the military.  It was not an easy place for growing up, but in retrospect, I can state clearly: I come from a good home.

My ex also came from a good home, but it was nothing like the one I came from.  Her parents are American of Polish descent, who placed religion first and foremost.  Their family fled Europe before the war, and although they have left family behind, they never experienced hunger, persecution, or physical danger.  Her parents were comfortable but not rich, they gave their children good education and a good start.  Helping them financially, though, was not a priority.  A ceremonial artifact for the practicing of the religion was undoubtedly more important than helping one of their children with the mortgage payment for example.  It was a philosophy.

Anyway, this was not meant for glorification of my family and the defamation of hers.  I believe we both came from reasonable, yet very different backgrounds.  A fact that caused many difficulties in our life together, and eventually to its demise.  The constant bickering, arguing about everything, agreeing on nothing - from children education, to religious practices, to even brand names of groceries, life was too challenging, too difficult, in fact, it became too easy to give up.  When the time came, the decision to leave was instantaneous, and was never regretted not once, not even a little, for the last dozen years to the day.

So guys and girls.  If you are dating someone from a different background, someone with different values.  If you’re dating someone who makes you feel like every issue is like pulling teeth.  If you feel that even the smallest points take endless negotiations.  If you feel that you are giving up a little, then a little more, then more still.  If you get up one morning and you feel that there’s nothing left for you to give up anymore.  If you get to that point, let me promise you.  You guys do not complement each other, negatives do not attract, and boring, in the sense that life at home is agreeable, is good.  Move on, you both deserve better.

An interesting twist I’m facing now, is that my ex-wife sometimes tries to remind me to “remember the good things”, and to “not make it all bad”.  But unfortunately, I simply can’t.  It does look all bad to me, and I can’t seem to be able to remember the “good stuff”.  I’m sorry, there’s no bad party here, nor is there blame.  Life in that relationship, though, was not worth living.  Apologies.

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We finally got around to hop over to Hong Kong for an extended weekend. It was a great trip. The kids got to visit a Disneyland, we got to see a unique place in Asia, where East meets West on so many levels, and we had the best meal in a very long time. Who can ask for more?

The Air China flight to Hong Kong was uneventful. It was code shared with Dragon Air and Cathay Pacific, it was packed, it left on time and arrived earlier, the luggage came out on time. As I said, uneventful in the most positive way. We took a Cathay Pacific package deal for this trip, and it’s important to say: it was flawless. We shall do it again. The shuttle from the airport to the hotel left on time. We arrived at the hotel, checked in and were ready to go out and hit the town in no time.

Usually, when we sign up for a vacation package, we have no dilemmas. For a reasonably small addition to the price, you get a substantially better hotel. I always sign up for the better (or best) hotels available. I never regret it. The Royal Plaza, right in the middle of Kowloon, is excellent, easily accessible to taxis and subways, and is in the middle of things, walking distance from Price Edward and Nathan streets. We could have stayed at the Disney Resort, but the travel agent told us (and she was absolutely right) that the advantage of being close to Disneyland will be completely lost when we would want to go visit Hong Kong or Kowloon. We stayed in Kowloon, and used ferries, buses, subway trains, boats, and feet to move around. It was great.

We used Gray Line for the Disneyland tour. Waste of money and even worse, waste of time. Disneyland is easily (really) accessible from every part of town, by subway. It’s cheap, efficient, and very quick and comfortable. Gray Line took roughly ninety minutes to bring us to Disneyland. It took us twenty minutes to get back on the subway. For a fraction of the price.

Disneyland is like other Disneyland parks in other places around the world. I was at the one in Anaheim California twice. Both were great, but I like Disney in Hong Kong better. It’s smaller. It’s less crowded. And the bottom line was, we spent a fraction of the time standing in lines. In fact, we took some rides twice (one even thrice), without spending hours on line. In multiple occasions, the attendants just allowed us to stay, skipping the line altogether.

If you want to smile a lot, Disneyland is the place for you.

Shiri and Guy had a blast. I got a broken back. We spent almost twelve hours at Disneyland, and it was time well spent. Guy fell asleep on the subway, and had no recollection of being carried to the hotel, put in PJs, and in bed. It must have been overwhelming. It was for me too.

Next day we signed up for a trip around town. Gray Line again, but this time it was well worth it. We went to Victoria Peak, to the oldest Buddhism temple in Hong Kong, and to the Stanley market. Stanley Market was the last stop, so we didn’t even bother to take the bus back. We stayed there. Later we took a double decker bus to the harbor, on the Hong Kong side, and walked around some, then took a ferry across the harbor to the Kowloon side.

We rather accidentally found Dan Ryan’s Chicago Grill at the shopping mall next to the harbor. All we needed to see on the menu was ribs and barbecue chicken. We were all set. A full slab and a half of baby back ribs, plus two halves barbecued chickens, plus the baked and fried potatoes, cole slaw, A1 Steak Sauce. We were home.

The kids devoured the chickens, and tasted the ribs. In fifteen minutes, the table looked as if a pack of wolves just left, leaving behind scores of bones and leftovers. And then the funniest thing happened. In fact two things happened, and only one was funny, and even that – not to me.

As we finished our dinner, Dorit and the kids went to the bathroom. As they were leaving for the bathroom, the couple sitting right next to us paid and left as well. Thirty seconds later, a new couple was seated right next to us. Imagine that. A single, chubby person (that would be me), sitting in front of a table that looked as if four really hungry people just finished a large meal. I could see in their eyes that they were actually contemplating if I was responsible for the situation on my own. And while they were contemplating, I was starting to worry. Because the family did not make it back from the restroom. And atypical to me, the worst nightmarish scenarios started to hit my tired head.

They came back after a long while. That wasn’t funny.

The next morning we hit the streets and the stores. We didn’t buy a whole lot, but we did have a good time. The local Pizza Hut, by the way, is nothing to write home about.

Bottom line: package deal with Cathay – absolutely. Gray Line to Disney – no way. Gray Line around town – yes. Hong Kong - Yea!

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