Amiram Hayardeny’s BigMouth

“In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth” the book of Genesis suggests.  It then goes through the description of the rest of creation for five more days, coming to a screeching halt with the creation of man.  The bible and its interpreters propose that once the crown jewel was created, God rested.  I propose that once the goal was accomplished, the project concluded, and God took a day off to reflect, to run a postmortem on the project, got discouraged with the results, and took a day off.

Here’s how it went.  God created the heavens and the earth and waited.  He then threw in some light.  But neither the heavens nor the earth offered a prayer, a sacrifice.  They just sat there and watched.  God went on.  He separated the skies and the waters and waited some more.  In vain.  Nobody was excited to see Him.  The continents came out next, with plenty of plants, shrubs and greenery.  Failure.  No recognition of greatness.  No gratitude.  God started to feel somewhat discouraged.  But He still went on and created the moon, the sun and the stars.  Nada.  Silence.  The birds and the sea creatures followed, but they had no time for God.  They were too busy reproducing and chasing each other before dinner.  No attention to their Maker.  Finally, with whatever motivation he had left, God created the land animals - still nothing, and finally Man.  When he turned around to leave the failed experiment he noticed the altar, the praying man, the recognition, the admiration.  Bingo, he thought, jackpot.  That was it.  God liked it, paid himself a nice bonus and called it a day.  Mission accomplished.  A creature was created that actually took the time to develop creation stories, a way of life, all centered around Him.  Can you ask for more?  Can anyone do better?  Or worse?

But then He noticed that it wasn’t all good.  The first political assassination happened when there were a handful of humans on earth.  Cain killed Abel because he developed the perception that God was paying more attention to Abel’s sacrifices than to his own.  Then there was this all charade about the serpent talking Eve into eating some apples, sharing them with her husband or something.  Finger pointing, nasty headlines, it wasn’t looking so great.  But God let it go for a few generations, until He realized that no good will ever come out of this.  He asked Noah to prepare the arc, and flushed the earth.  Another unsuccessful attempt to curb these no good humans.

God started attending a support group for disappointed Gods.  Other Gods shared their experiences in creating ungrateful, deceitful, destructive species.  The conclusion was unanimous.  Just leave them alone, they will destroy themselves, they will destroy their environment.  The humans were left alone.  The original God was not sufficient anymore, they came up with new ones, with stronger powers, tougher demands.  They appointed priests who made up Heavenly instructions of killing other humans in whatever God’s name.  God packed and left for some other planet, free of humans.  He was cured.

Today, thousands of Gods walk the earth.  They communicate to a very well selected few.  They accept gifts, cash and checks.  They advertise, they instruct, they teach you how to be better, what to eat and whatnot, they know it all.  The representatives that is, not the Gods…  Some people are already asking: who created whom?  Did God create man?  Or did Man create god?  I have no inside information on this one.  Apologies…

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Not the end you think.  I was actually referring to the end of a TV show.

For quite some time, maybe as long as a full year, friends have been telling me about a “must see” TV show.  The level of enthusiasm was somewhere between excited and lunatic.  And while curiosity is my middle name, I took my time.  After all House had a few more patients to be rude to, and Start Trek had a few more places to visit in the Delta Quadrant.  But curiosity, as it may imply, does its job picking at the brain to the point where you actually go to the video store, see the show and decide to actually get it.  The first season only though.  I never thought that multiple seasons should be purchased upfront, before the quality, interest, added value can be established.

But truthfully, I wasn’t that excited.  The name of the show implied a lot of noise, for a singular event.  If you wish, a two year buildup of a storm that ends up in a single shower.  Tons of smoke and ashes ending up in a single small, minor eruption of a volcano.  Get the drift?

Prison Break, by definition is the act of, well, let me think how to say it, breaking out of prison.  It’s a one time thing.  You get into prison, and you break out.  I believe that the show actually aired three years ago, counting about twenty two episodes per season, I assumed that it meant a volcanic storm.  A major buildup for something next to nothing.  So my expectations weren’t very high to begin with.

After cleaning the fish tank, watering the plants, pumping the cornered bicycle with a manual pump, and washing the clean dishes, I ran out of excuses, and Dorit and I sat down to watch the pilot.

It was a grand moment.  We felt like we are part of some mysterious, obscure cult, which secretly convenes after the children went to sleep to watch something suspenseful and intriguing.  I wasn’t disappointed.  As it turns out, though, I ran out of luck.  The worst possible scenario happened.  I thought it was boring.  Dorit loved it.  We have to watch it.  As we enjoy each other’s company, parting during prime time is not an option.

There are many shows that I like.  Many shows I don’t, but at least I understand why other people like them.  For the life of me I don’t understand why people like this show.  Is it the squinting that happens once every two minutes, when the leading character surveys his surroundings trying to make sense of it?  Is it just the prison setting?  The conspiracy?  The script is shallow, predictable, and as full of holes as Swiss cheese.  A funny error (I think it’s an error anyway) is a VHS videotape of the “murder”.  The tape is watched multiple times, and each time, the subtitle “rec” is shown as part of the tape.  Now, I’m not a professional photographer, but as far as I know the “rec” subtitle only shows on the monitor while you’re recording, but it doesn’t show on the tape.  By the way, if you choose to watch the tape on the camera itself, the subtitle would say “play”…

I like to watch shows with objectives.  Shows that present a problem, a bug if you will, whether it’s a murder, or a sickness, or even a new race of aliens in the Betazoid System.  The plot continues as multiple reasonings are used, possible solutions are presented and scrapped, and then, finally, in a climactic scene, the actual solution is presented.  What’s the point in a problem that continues on and on and on, for multiple seasons?  And as for the question in the title?  Lets guess.  The brother on death row is put to death, while the other brother gets out on parole and marries the lawyer.  Right.  Let me guess again.  They run away, for two seasons they dodge the secret service, until finally their innocence is proven on the fourth season.  One of the brothers marries the lawyer.  End of story until the next bore is released.

I guess I’ll have to make up for it with more popcorn…

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May 1997. My first day at IBM Haifa Research Lab (HRL). The usual ceremonial seat assignment, terminal, some leftover paperwork, meeting the rest of the staff, back to my new corner to start and gain some knowledge of IBM Storage, my place of work for the next nine years. Suddenly, I heard a loud voice outside my office, “food”, the voice said. It was still patient. Then the word “food” was repeated another couple of times. The patience was significantly reduced this time. I came out of my office, and I saw a tall, handsome man, with the deepest, kindest, blue eyes I’ve ever seen. It was Gabriel Walder. Better known as Gabi.

Finally, when enough people congregated outside. In the coming days, and years, for the next eight years, I became conditioned. As a good old Pavlovian dog, when I heard Gabi out of my office saying the word “food”, I would start to drool…

Gabi and I worked together for many years. For years, we would listen to each other’s stories, share jokes, and argued, a lot, on very complex algorithms that had to do with the transferring huge amounts of data from one part of the planet to the other, without losing one byte, providing customers with the ability to recover from disasters.

Over the years, I met Gabi’s family, his old dog Shoshana, and the new one Duke. I met his friends, visited his home in Haifa, and in Tucson. Gabi Walder was a significant part of my life.

One day, June 2005, when my plane hit the runway in Tucson Arizona, my phone rang as soon as I turned it on. It was Dorit, my wife. She said Gabi passed away. I was in a state of shock, out of words. Gal, his manager was with me on that plane. We needed a quick decision. After twenty four hours in the air, Gal turned around and went home to participate in the funeral. With a heavy heart, I continued as planned. I shouldn’t have.

It’s been three years since Gabi left us. I can still hear his voice laughing when I’m told a joke. I can see his face in large crowds once in a while. I remember him daily. Gabi was taken from us prematurely. He could have lived among us for many more years, making us all happy, making us all reflect. He could have contributed so much more innovation, reflection, insight. His family misses him terribly. So do his friends. So do everyone who ever met him. So do I.

I wrote a eulogy for Gabi, the day he died. I’m not in possession of many documents from that period. I’ll never lose this one. It’s been three years, I can’t believe it.

June 14, 2005

We lost a friend yesterday. A friend and a colleague. Gabi was one of the first to join the Storage Development Department. Many things can be attributed to Gabi: the love of life, the professionalism, the sense of humor, the appreciation of good food, a good show, a good conversation. Gabi was a special guy. He could get all whipped out of shape for some minor incident, laugh at a joke, and come up with a really good idea, all on the same hour. One thing’s for sure, you could always count on Gabi for help in just about anything.

Gabi will be remembered for being a good friend, a true professional, a husband and a father. He will be remembered as the 12:00 sharp lunch guy, and the proud owner of the chair at the head of the Copy Services table in the cafeteria. Gabi will be remembered for the strong sense of justice he had.

Gabi will be remembered for PPRC (Peer to Peer Remote Copy) Establish Path. In fact, Gabi is PPRC Establish Path.

I will personally miss him terribly. Gabi was one of the emblems of the Copy Services team in Haifa, and so he shall remain.

To the family: there’s nothing we can possibly say to describe the pain we feel here. Gabi has left a big hole behind. His presence will be felt throughout the hallways here for a very long time. Over the years, we have become a family, an extended family of colleagues, their spouses and their children. We were all involved in each other’s lives, for better for worse. In Gabi’s absence, you, his dearest family, shall remain part of our extended family. We will continue sharing with you our joys and pains.

It’s been three years. I guess people like Gabi take a lot longer to forget. Millenia.

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Have you ever dated someone who felt, how shall I put it? a little difficult?  Arguments were springing out of nowhere, about the most unimportant matters.  In fact, sometimes you would feel that the relationship is, again, what’s the word? laborious?  You were becoming tense, sensitive, upset.  You were looking for good (or not so good) reasons to work late, to take the extra business trips to remote places, particularly difficult customers…

And all through this time, you were sharing the difficulties with your friends, and some of them, if not all, said: “you’re complementing each other”, or “negatives attract”, and my favorite worst: “otherwise, it would be boring”.

I feel somewhat qualified to refer to this eternal dilemma.  I was married twice.  The first marriage was with the opposite, or rather the opposition.  The second marriage is much more agreeable, and trust me, not very boring.

Let me explain.  I am a Jewish Israeli, child of a Holocaust survivor from Romania and a Sephardic Israeli who was born in Jerusalem, but whose ancestors came from Spain and Turkey.  I come from a mildly traditional family, who always thought that God is OK, for as long as He doesn’t interfere with everyday life.  I come from a relatively liberal home, that placed education in first place, followed closely by discipline, manners, moral, and honesty.  My parents, having had no childhoods, having suffered significant difficulties growing up, tried their absolute best to provide everything for their children.  Growing up in middle class Israel, there was no frivolous spending, but the word “no” was never heard when it came to education. All men of the family served in the military.  It was not an easy place for growing up, but in retrospect, I can state clearly: I come from a good home.

My ex also came from a good home, but it was nothing like the one I came from.  Her parents are American of Polish descent, who placed religion first and foremost.  Their family fled Europe before the war, and although they have left family behind, they never experienced hunger, persecution, or physical danger.  Her parents were comfortable but not rich, they gave their children good education and a good start.  Helping them financially, though, was not a priority.  A ceremonial artifact for the practicing of the religion was undoubtedly more important than helping one of their children with the mortgage payment for example.  It was a philosophy.

Anyway, this was not meant for glorification of my family and the defamation of hers.  I believe we both came from reasonable, yet very different backgrounds.  A fact that caused many difficulties in our life together, and eventually to its demise.  The constant bickering, arguing about everything, agreeing on nothing - from children education, to religious practices, to even brand names of groceries, life was too challenging, too difficult, in fact, it became too easy to give up.  When the time came, the decision to leave was instantaneous, and was never regretted not once, not even a little, for the last dozen years to the day.

So guys and girls.  If you are dating someone from a different background, someone with different values.  If you’re dating someone who makes you feel like every issue is like pulling teeth.  If you feel that even the smallest points take endless negotiations.  If you feel that you are giving up a little, then a little more, then more still.  If you get up one morning and you feel that there’s nothing left for you to give up anymore.  If you get to that point, let me promise you.  You guys do not complement each other, negatives do not attract, and boring, in the sense that life at home is agreeable, is good.  Move on, you both deserve better.

An interesting twist I’m facing now, is that my ex-wife sometimes tries to remind me to “remember the good things”, and to “not make it all bad”.  But unfortunately, I simply can’t.  It does look all bad to me, and I can’t seem to be able to remember the “good stuff”.  I’m sorry, there’s no bad party here, nor is there blame.  Life in that relationship, though, was not worth living.  Apologies.

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Long corridor, doors to the left and right. You move forward and you can’t go back. You open some doors, ignore others. Some doors you’ve opened, you wish you hadn’t, others you wish you would have opened. One door at the end of the corridor, no choice there - everyone must open.

Lessons? Trust your instincts, enjoy the open doors, don’t miss the closed ones, and never regret your choices.

Life is good.

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