Amiram Hayardeny’s BigMouth

It was just another flight for me.  Or so I thought.  I flew from Tel Aviv to Beijing a couple of days ago.  As I boarded the Boeing 767 I expected the usual bore, the occasional shuteye, the discomfort.  But at the other end, Dorit and the kids were waiting for me, and for that I was ready to experience infinite amounts of inconvenience…

A few years back I had a very strange observation about myself.  I was a Pavlovian Dog.  The thought of an airplane would put me to sleep right away.  As soon as I get myself seated, my seatbelt fastened, and the airplane leaves the gate - I fall asleep.  It’s truly amazing, but I doubt I experienced takeoff while being awake in quite a few years.

But this flight was different.  As the purser introduced herself, I realized that she must be the mother of a former employee of mine.  A pretty as well as clever employee.  I went over to the purser and introduced myself.  I told her that her daughter and I worked together, that I could see her daughter in her.  I then went back to my seat.  Being the traveler that I am, I quickly went to sleep, forfeiting an airline dinner for for a dream one.  The purser stopped by a few times, but I really didn’t need anything, plus I don’t like to be given preferential treatment, and the flight was progressing nicely.

But then she came over and made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.  Not in a million years.  She offered me to spend some time at the cockpit.  I enthusiastically accepted.  Mind you, it isn’t very easy to get into the cockpit.  There are two doors between the cabin and the cockpit, and they can’t be both open at the same time.  But the space between them is too small for the two of us to stand, so one of us had to go to the bathroom.  Needless to say, it was me.  But a short minute after that, I was in the cockpit, where the sun was shining, and the captain and the first officer were all smiles.

I must have been too excited to say anything of significance, and I believe I mumbled something.  The two men, obviously comfortable with the monster they were in control of, showed no surprise.  They were nice and welcoming, and shortly after I came in, a conversation developed.  We spoke about flying airplanes (I took flying lessons a decade ago, but were too scared to pursue the hobby), developing software, the computing power of the airplane and the automation.  Indeed, they informed me, an untrained person can land the aircraft with instructions from the ground.  I was relieved.

During my stay at the cockpit, we changed altitude from 37,100 ft to 39,100 ft.  We also changed course (was part of the original flight plan), were alerted of nearby aircraft, which we later saw, and had some conversations with several control towers somewhere in China.  I have no idea how long I spent in the cockpit, but I’m pretty sure it was well over an hour.  It was an outstanding, exhilarating experience.  I would like to use this opportunity to thank Captain Avi, and his First Office for an unforgettable experience.  Also, I would like to thank the purser for giving me this opportunity.

Flying in the cockpit of a Boeing 767 from Tel Aviv to Beijing - Outstanding!

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We finally got around to hop over to Hong Kong for an extended weekend. It was a great trip. The kids got to visit a Disneyland, we got to see a unique place in Asia, where East meets West on so many levels, and we had the best meal in a very long time. Who can ask for more?

The Air China flight to Hong Kong was uneventful. It was code shared with Dragon Air and Cathay Pacific, it was packed, it left on time and arrived earlier, the luggage came out on time. As I said, uneventful in the most positive way. We took a Cathay Pacific package deal for this trip, and it’s important to say: it was flawless. We shall do it again. The shuttle from the airport to the hotel left on time. We arrived at the hotel, checked in and were ready to go out and hit the town in no time.

Usually, when we sign up for a vacation package, we have no dilemmas. For a reasonably small addition to the price, you get a substantially better hotel. I always sign up for the better (or best) hotels available. I never regret it. The Royal Plaza, right in the middle of Kowloon, is excellent, easily accessible to taxis and subways, and is in the middle of things, walking distance from Price Edward and Nathan streets. We could have stayed at the Disney Resort, but the travel agent told us (and she was absolutely right) that the advantage of being close to Disneyland will be completely lost when we would want to go visit Hong Kong or Kowloon. We stayed in Kowloon, and used ferries, buses, subway trains, boats, and feet to move around. It was great.

We used Gray Line for the Disneyland tour. Waste of money and even worse, waste of time. Disneyland is easily (really) accessible from every part of town, by subway. It’s cheap, efficient, and very quick and comfortable. Gray Line took roughly ninety minutes to bring us to Disneyland. It took us twenty minutes to get back on the subway. For a fraction of the price.

Disneyland is like other Disneyland parks in other places around the world. I was at the one in Anaheim California twice. Both were great, but I like Disney in Hong Kong better. It’s smaller. It’s less crowded. And the bottom line was, we spent a fraction of the time standing in lines. In fact, we took some rides twice (one even thrice), without spending hours on line. In multiple occasions, the attendants just allowed us to stay, skipping the line altogether.

If you want to smile a lot, Disneyland is the place for you.

Shiri and Guy had a blast. I got a broken back. We spent almost twelve hours at Disneyland, and it was time well spent. Guy fell asleep on the subway, and had no recollection of being carried to the hotel, put in PJs, and in bed. It must have been overwhelming. It was for me too.

Next day we signed up for a trip around town. Gray Line again, but this time it was well worth it. We went to Victoria Peak, to the oldest Buddhism temple in Hong Kong, and to the Stanley market. Stanley Market was the last stop, so we didn’t even bother to take the bus back. We stayed there. Later we took a double decker bus to the harbor, on the Hong Kong side, and walked around some, then took a ferry across the harbor to the Kowloon side.

We rather accidentally found Dan Ryan’s Chicago Grill at the shopping mall next to the harbor. All we needed to see on the menu was ribs and barbecue chicken. We were all set. A full slab and a half of baby back ribs, plus two halves barbecued chickens, plus the baked and fried potatoes, cole slaw, A1 Steak Sauce. We were home.

The kids devoured the chickens, and tasted the ribs. In fifteen minutes, the table looked as if a pack of wolves just left, leaving behind scores of bones and leftovers. And then the funniest thing happened. In fact two things happened, and only one was funny, and even that – not to me.

As we finished our dinner, Dorit and the kids went to the bathroom. As they were leaving for the bathroom, the couple sitting right next to us paid and left as well. Thirty seconds later, a new couple was seated right next to us. Imagine that. A single, chubby person (that would be me), sitting in front of a table that looked as if four really hungry people just finished a large meal. I could see in their eyes that they were actually contemplating if I was responsible for the situation on my own. And while they were contemplating, I was starting to worry. Because the family did not make it back from the restroom. And atypical to me, the worst nightmarish scenarios started to hit my tired head.

They came back after a long while. That wasn’t funny.

The next morning we hit the streets and the stores. We didn’t buy a whole lot, but we did have a good time. The local Pizza Hut, by the way, is nothing to write home about.

Bottom line: package deal with Cathay – absolutely. Gray Line to Disney – no way. Gray Line around town – yes. Hong Kong - Yea!

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Here’s a dilemma: you have a five year old, you’re going on a trip and you wonder: to stroller or not to stroller. If you decide to go with the stroller, you risk schlepping around with some extra weight, struggling to fold the damn thing at the most critical moments of the day (I swear, the thing knows when when not to fold). In addition, you risk people making fun of your kid, and of you, for being taken for a ride. Literally. The alternative isn’t better at all. Guy will just stop sometime during the day, and guess what - my shoulders are a pretty comfortable chair. It’s only unfortunate that I don’t have enough hair to provide something to hold on to, but my ears actually provide reasonable handles.

A few months ago, before a trip to Thailand we had a similar dilemma, we chose to go with a stroller. But to avoid an unnecessary waste of money, we decided on the cheapest looking stroller in the store. The store attendant was shocked. The stroller was apparently on display for years, only to show young parents what stroller not to buy.

To make a long story short, on the first day in Bangkok, at the Old Palace, the stroller caved in. Guy disappeared in the wreckage and we had to get him out. We looked around, and when we thought nobody was looking, we left the collection of fabric and scrap metal near a relatively remote garbage can. The stroller survived the trip, but didn’t make the first day in Bangkok. R.I.P.

This time, for our trip to Hong Kong, we had the same dilemma. The stroller strategy won again, but this time, we went to the same store, and asked for the absolute best stroller. The attendant was contemplating whether or not to call Child Services, but the prospect of making a big sale convinced him not to. We took a brand new, Ferrari red, ship shape, spic n’ span stroller. A Rolls Royce. The mother of all strollers. We were happy. Sudden relaxation went through my shoulders.

Of course it didn’t fit in the trunk, and of course we had to check it in at the oversized luggage counter. But throughout all these small problems, we knew: Guy will not spend the day on his father’s tired and old shoulders. Or so we wished.

We picked up the stroller at the Hong Kong International Airport. Guy jumped in, and promptly disappeared within. A few minutes later, we realized, the Master Stroller caved in exactly like the old one. The thing never made it out of the arrival hall at the airport, we dumped it near carousel number 2.

If you are a world traveler, and you happen by an abandoned stroller, orphaned, standing alone in some corner, wondering why, you would know: the Hayardenys were here…

We are now considering artificial shoulders as an alternative.

Guy, by the way, was not unhappy with the results. He mentioned though, that when we get back to Beijing, he would want a new stroller. “No comment” was my answer.

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This post is going to have the word “surprisingly” very often. The fact that I use the word so often isn’t due to my really low expectations compare to the reasonable results. More often than not, it would relate to the reasonable expectations compared to outstanding results. Bear with me, if you go to Xi-An, the ancient Chinese city, close to the mountain range which separates North and South China, you may find a tip or two which could actually change your experience to the better.

We wanted to go to Xi-An long ago. For some reason, we never got around to actually do it until this week, the May Day Holiday in China. This time we were determined to go. When we sat down to plan the trip, we considered, for the first time, taking a train. The Z19 train goes directly from Beijing West to Xi-An non-stop. The Z20 goes back. Express train, non-stop. We decided to take our chances, we didn’t regret it.

In Beijing, we’ve met a much younger couple, Itay and Galia and their two cute children Yinon and Roi. Dorit told Galia we were planning a trip, and before long, and to our great pleasure, this had turned into our first two-family-trips in China.

Here’s the deal. When you plan a train trip in China, you must take into account the following inconvenience. Tickets go on sale roughly ten days before the actual trip, not before. One more thing. You can’t purchase the return tickets in the city of origin, you can only purchase them when you’re already at your destination. So here’s what we have done. We paid a travel agency, with branches in Beijing and Xi-An, to purchase the tickets for us. We chose the sleeper cars, four beds per car. The hotel (Shangri-La) was booked at ctrip.com. We left for the trip on April 31.

The train station is huge. Beijing West is the largest in China, and apparently it sends 300,000 people on their way daily. It’s relatively well organized, and welcoming even to the non-Chinese speaker or reader.

The train left the platform on time (9:24). Not a minute late. Here’s the first surprisingly. The room was small, as expected, but surprisingly (2) comfortable and functional. The bunks were reasonably comfortable, and there were four personal TV sets for each bed. Shiri and Guy were ready to go to sleep shortly after departure, and both slept through the night. With the exception of about a dozen American kids who, with the help of quite a few six packs of Tsingtao beer, made a lot of noise and disturbed the rest of the travelers, the night went uneventful. The Americans, repeatedly asked by train crew and others to lower it down some, eventually went into the coma associated with large amounts of beer, and went to sleep. The train crew showed up in the morning and took out a surprising (3) amount of empty bottles.

We arrived on time, and were surprisingly (4) well rested and ready to go. It was a pleasant trip.

If you travel to Xi-Am from Beijing, taking the night train is a good choice. It’s comfortable, it will save you an average of about $100.00 per person each way on the actual trip, plus a hotel night… Not a bad deal. Tips: purchase the tickets from a travel agent, the service fee is not bad, plus you get the tickets for the trip back home (some may think I might be too hung on having all legs of the trip upfront, what can I say, that’s me).

The train station in Xi-An is a lot smaller, but still big, compare to the tiny train station in Tel Aviv. Taxis are pretty available, and the taxi rate is cheaper. The Shangri-La, upon arrival, not only checked us in at 10:00 in the morning, but also offered us an upgrade to its Horizon Club. The difference was as follows: the Horizon Club room includes a free breakfast for all, free network (WiFi or wired), access to the Horizon Club lounge (a great perk) and on top of all this - a late check-out time (17:00). All that for the surprisingly (5) low price of RMB 400.00 (about $60.00) per day.

After depositing our stuff in the rooms, freshened up a little and went to the old city. We have visited the Old City Gate, the Drum Tower, and the Bell Tower. We’re not completely sure, but at the Bell Tower, the local pickpockets showed us how surprisingly (6) effective they are. They managed to open my wife’s bag, take her purse, and close the bag again. We only discovered that the purse was missing when she went into a taxi back to the hotel only to realize she was broke… Nonetheless, the old city is beautiful, the Drum Tower and the Bell Tower are spectacular. In old times, the bell would sound in the morning, after which the city wall would open up. In the afternoon, the drums would sound, and the city wall would close for the night, isolating Xi-An from the rest of the world. The city is filled with history, and for those who are interested, Xi-An was the city of emperor Qin who was the first to unite China.

We went to the local youth hostel to explore the possibilities of a trip to the Terracotta Warriors site, which is a few dozen miles out of Xi-An. We booked one, for the surprisingly (7) low price of RMB 200.00 per person (less than $30.00). The trip included a van, a driver, a tour guide, hotel pickup and drop-off, and the entrance fees for both the Terracotta Warriors site (which comes to about RMB 90.00 per person, RMB 60.00 per child), and the BanPo museum (RMB 35.00 per person, RMB 25.00 per child). Not a bad deal at all.

We first visited the Banpo museum. It was surprisingly (8) exciting. An entire civilization, which lead a matriarchal life over six thousand years ago. And we think we’re smart… The site is nicely preserved, the excavated parts show the life of the village in a very nice and charming way. It was an eye opened to the pre-historic life in China.

Then we had lunch, in a regular tourist joint, well covered with t least a million small, medium, large, x-large and life-size Terracotta Warriors, made of a variety of materials starting from plaster posing as clay all the aluminum posing as bronze. A set of warriors would start at about RMB 100.00 and will eventually go for about one tenth. We bought none. Reason: the market is so flooded with this pretty relic, that it gave us no pleasure to own one. I ended up buying a real Terracotta Warrior (25 cm) at the hotel’s highway robbery store, simply because it was a model I’ve never seen before. I loved it, and I thought it was worth the high (and non-negotiable) price.

I thought that I was so pumped up with the Terracotta Warriors that when I actually see them, it wouldn’t be such a big deal. I was wrong. It was. Seeing the rows of warriors, with their different faces, postures, armor, ranks was touching. The thought that someone, well over two thousand years ago, took the time, effort, labor to make them, and invest so much creativity and art into them, only to make sure that he has an army in the afterlife, is well, amazing. I thought that he must have been a genius because nothing would support unity more than some joint projects… We were told that this project was the first well documented quality assurance project in the world. The artists whose warriors were qualified, were given freedom to leave. The artists who created unqualified warriors were simply put to death. What an incentive.

The next day was surprisingly (9) cold and rainy. We went to the Big Wild Goose Pagoda. The place is beautiful. Seven stories, many stairs, great 360 view of the town. Spectacular. Downstairs we went to the largest musical fountain in the world. Ended up at the local KFC. I know, but they did have coffee, and the kids WERE hungry…

Back to the train in the evening, for a punctual departure (not surprisingly anymore) and arrival eleven hours later. Great trip to Xi-An. If you are a foreigner living in Beijing, don’t wait too long. If you’re a foreigner living elsewhere, don’t wait too long either…

A personal message to the crafty pickpocket:

• You are the third pickpocket in as many trips our friends took to Xi-An, so you don’t have to worry about bad reputation.
• We sincerely hope that your terminal condition is significantly improved with the medicines you have bought with the undisclosed amount of money you stole from us.

Read more:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terracotta_Army
http://www.travelchinaguide.com/attraction/shaanxi/xian/banpo.htm

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