Oxymoron: Israeli Football

Last year, still in China, I was having this bizarre conversation with an educated, well read, intelligent and intellectual Chinese American.  When I asked him how many people he thought lived in Israel, he said right away: “about 100 million?”  When I made a face, he said: “150?”.  When I explained that there are barely seven million people living in Israel, he thought at first that I was pulling his leg.  Then, when he verified the number, he thought it was crazy.  I agree.  It is crazy.  Israel generates news at the rate of a superpower, exports technology in all areas – computers, military, irrigation systems – second only to the US.  It holds a good place at the top of patent holders lists, start-ups, exits, acquisitions, innovation.  And football.  Soccer that is.  Israel is a football superpower.

Visitors in Israel quickly learn to recognize the green-black fans of Maccabee Haifa, the red sad fans of Hapoel Tel Aviv, the smog yellow fans of Maccabee Tel Aviv.  Outstanding players, so good they are also exported mainly to Europe, for hefty packages, lucrative sponsor contracts, the works.  They can’t, of course, speak English or any other European language, but that’s not uncommon in European leagues.

Every Saturday, thousands of men, with low pants line, flock at the state-of-the art Israeli stadiums, with bottles of beer, sunflower seeds, and mouthfuls of cursing, swearing and interesting speculations about the literal origins of the opponent team players and the referee and his unjust decisions.  They sit there for a couple of hours watching quality football.  Extremely athletic young men, all rich beyond belief, playing interesting, well thought and executed, strategically planned football.

Got you, right?  In fact, what they watch is a bunch of unorganized morons who chase a ball on green grass without a shred of a clue.

And it shows.  Countries, whose names are never spoken, countries with no GDP whatsoever, with wars and financial and natural disasters, with no football history at all, play football against Israel, and always win.  Israel made it to the World Championship once.  It was in 1970, and it lost the first game.

Why am I writing this?  Simple.  I was watching the final game between Manchester United and Barcelona the other day.  And all I could think about was: yes, football IS a game of teamwork, of strategic planning, of skills and execution, of excellent technical and mental abilities.  It actually interesting to watch even if in ninety minutes you see only a couple of goals, if you’re luck.  That game people play in Israel, is called football, but it’s not the same game.  It’s a distant cousin, stripped of all planning, strategy, agility and execution.  We should name it: “Lets kick the call in some general direction, and hope nobody gets hurt”.  If this game becomes an Olympic branch, Israel will undoubtedly win.