The neighbors decided to have a barbecue. They were nice enough to forewarn me, that smoke and great smells of cooking meats will be arriving, or rather covering, our house pretty soon. We took no offense. They are a very nice couple, with nice kids and nice friends, and they have a reputation, apparently, for throwing great parties. It was all going well, way better than expected. In fact it was going great. As the first cars started to show up, the sky became cloudy. Nothing serious, just a small grayish cloud came from the west. But thirty minutes later, when the latest arrivers were already fighting over parking spots, the sky was pretty black. I mean, it was thick and heavy. The winds picked up. The first drops started. By the time the neighbor started the fire, it was pouring. Pouring like God forgot his promise to the bad, sinning humans, and started the flood all over again. Imagine, the neighbor running around with an umbrella, bringing the latest round of half scorched, half raw meats to and from the grill… What a site…
But then, just as we were getting ready to build an ark, the sky cleared, a beautiful, and a complete rainbow showed up all around Binyamina. God did not forget the testament. No flood. As if the rainbow wasn’t enough, God also sent a dove. Well, not exactly a dove, and not precisely one. In fact it was a flock of pigeons, in my attic. After the pest remover, the roof guy and the exterminator left, I thought that a flood would have been a better alternative for the pigeons.
In any case, once God made peace with mankind again, the neighbors’ guests came out of the house and started making lots of noise outside. We didn’t care for as long as we were watching television, or rather dreaming, eyes closed in front of the television. When it was time to go to bed, we realized that the party outside will make our sleep impossible. Accepting that plan A, the flood, failed, it was time for plan B. The Surround Sound System.
I set up a few speakers outside facing the neighbors back yard. From inside I started playing small flatulence sounds. Yes, that long barely heard sound of air leaving the engine, just before the train is getting ready to leave the station. It was easy to spot a few uncomfortable moves. Some guests moved in their seats, getting nasty looks from their women, presumably the wives. There was a strong feeling of denial in the air. Unfortunately or not, the Surround System can’t generate an odor. Well, not yet anyway.
The next phase was the whistle sound. Coming from multiple directions, it was really impossible for the guests to know where the noise was coming from. This time around, the discomfort was greater, the looks nastier, and one woman’s whisper could be heard clearly around the backyard. The neighbors’ and ours. “Pig”, she said, but it was difficult to tell who she was aiming for, and thus, it was let go.
Finally came the ultimate sound of a tractor trailer starting the engine, warming it up, releasing outstanding amount of volcanic energy in the process. The lady from before looked straight in the eyes of the fat guy, and said, not whispering anymore: “you are a pig”. And added: “no wonder that slut married you”. The lady of the house tried to make peace, but it was too late. One guy remembered he was owed money from the last party, and another woman was complaining about the cheap gift giving skills some couple showed at their daughter’s wedding. The last one wasted no time to remind everyone that the daughter divorced three months after the wedding, and that both the party and the gift was a waste…
The party was over. We could finally go quietly to bed.
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